There was a time when I was surviving, not living.
I was in an unsupportive relationship, working full-time as a behaviour support practitioner, studying a psychology degree, and caring for my six-month-old baby. I was grinding non-stop, pouring into everyone but myself.
I had stopped going to the gym. Stopped meditating. Stopped doing anything that nourished me. I felt lost, like I had no spark left, like my whole identity had shrunk into being "just" a mum and partner. I was exhausted, empty, and emotionally numb.
I remember sitting on the couch staring out the window and thinking, "is this seriously how my life is going to be? Is this really the example I want to set for my daughter?"
And of course, the answer was no.
"When my daughter was 7 months old I just knew I couldn't live like this anymore. I knew her nervous system was reacting to mine."
She was ridiculously clingy, unsettled at times, picking up on the energy in the home. I refused to raise her in that energetic environment. I wanted to make sure she grew up in a happy family with a happy, calm mum. So I knew I had to make some serious changes.
That's when everything shifted.
I started showing up for myself. I started making space for myself and reconnecting with who I actually was. I leant back into the tools I had learned and made time for myself, even if it was only 5 minutes some days.
Because what I realised is that how can I look after this tiny beautiful human if I can't look after myself? How can I show up for her if I can't show up for myself?
I rewired my mindset. I learned how to regulate my nervous system. I rebuilt my identity, one calm ritual at a time. And it was reflected in my daughter's behaviour. She became calmer, happier, more full of life. Because your nervous system becomes theirs, so if your nervous system is constantly dysregulated, theirs will be too.
Why I built Holistic Soul Co.
During my work as a behaviour support practitioner I worked with a lot of mums and I realised that there really wasn't the right support available for them, just like with me. I had to go through multiple different people to learn about different things and find different tools to help, and I wasted lots of time and money doing so because not all of it was good.
I built The Regulated Mum Project because I couldn't find the thing I needed when I was in it. And I knew I wasn't the only one.
If you are the mum on the couch right now, staring out the window, wondering if this is as good as it gets, I want you to know: it's not. And you don't have to figure it out alone.